Hello world,
Sorry for the crass topic name. But pretty interesting week this, nay? Rest in peace- Bal Thackeray and Ajmal Kasab. One of whom was respected and feared while the other was only feared. Yes, Kasab was the one with both. The respect was mostly given by poor biryani sellers who had their house running because of him. Other than that, Vijay Mallya died too. Or was it the other fat liquor baron sporting a similar Van Dyke beard? Alright, correction made, that was Ponty Chaddha. Which reminds me this isn’t really a good time for you if you’re a liquor lord with facial hair. Because if you are, you’ll either be taking bullets in your chest at a farmhouse in Delhi or potshots about an airline business that died.
But that is not exactly what’s on my mind. I cannot write what’s exactly on my mind because of reasons which too, I cannot write here. I am writing this from a deserted village in East Columbia. The last line is a lie because I don’t want them to know I live in the same country as theirs or wait, oh God! Alright, delete this after you read it- they’ve already put one metro city under house arrest and put a couple of girls behind bars under Section ‘So you think it’s a democracy’ of the ‘We’ll also ransack your uncle’s hospital’ Act of 2012. And they are coming for you.
I am not very sure, but in all probability the Shiv Sainiks considered Bal Thackeray the Voldemort of real world. Just in this case, Voldemort looked a lot more chic donning those
Say No More
wayfarers and had a nose, a really big one at that (see image). Still, he COULD NOT BE NAMED or talked about. Not even if it’s just a personal opinion. Not even if it’s only digital and is after his death. Not even if it’s exclusive to Facebook with customized privacy settings. No, just no. And don’t think you can go unnoticed, for the Shiv Sainiks have ‘a very particular set of skills, skills they’ve acquired over a very long career’; just like Liam Neeson from Taken (little video for a recall) . So if you want to post things online or go out to grab a meal on the day their Dark Lord died; well. Just stay inside and don’t touch your keys; of both the house and the computer.
But on a lighter note, as an aftermath of Thackeray’s death, the globally acclaimed DJ trio Swedish House Mafia had to ‘delay’ their show for an indefinite period. I don’t follow them, but it really must have hurt a lot of dhichik sentiments across Mumbai. Precisely because house music is just that- dhichik-dhichik. But very honestly, for me, Haldiram’s is the original ‘Sweet-dish house mafia’ where I can go whenever I want, irrespective of whosoever died. Yes, I’m serious. They are also great because when they say ‘delay’, it means 5 minutes.
In other news, Anupam Kher was ecstatic after someone pointed out Ajmal Kasab got hanged on ‘A Wednesday‘. But I’m more worried about Kate Middleton being reported pregnant around the same time Kasab was hanged. I fear this could well be a case of reincarnation. Especially because Mr.Ajmal Kasab, just like the royal family- loved driving to 5 star hotels in swanky cars, visited foreign locales with a bang, had a fancy for good food and made news about anything and everything.
Anyway, it’s good finally the guy was brought to justice. But that doesn’t mean you can expect ‘Freedom of Speech’ so soon, simply because you’re aware you’re in India. But try to hold on for a while. They will all die some day, and if you’re still alive and don’t use a feeding tube, you’ll have the pleasure of speaking without the rubber cap.
( The writer borrowed a lot of balls from his male friends to write this. Acknowledge the effort.)
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