All through history, men have tried to impress woman, and all through history, men have failed. Long back when no notion of marriage or Adult Friend Finder existed, impressing women was the only way to win their heart. This brings us to Tsonga; a caveman whose idea to impress women was to hunt deer and mammoths. He’d go out hunting and return with mammoth horns as presents for the cave-women. In the process he would get cuts and bruises which he would proudly show to all cave-women. He also loved the village drum and considered it his pride to play it before he showed his bruised buttocks.
The cave-women would giggle, then cast their eyes on Pongah who unlike Tsonga was a master at counting. He was so awesome at counting he could cut beef pieces for each plate to an accuracy of +2/-2 at a dinner of four. It wasn’t long before Pongah invented a high-end device for counting he called the Abacus. The cave-women went berserk seeing his creation. In their eyes, this was the greatest thing after fire. The guy who discovered fire went on to have 23 cave-women. Logic had it, Pongah would get at least fifteen. But he was a shy man, and so he suffered.
Soon after, a caveman from a nearby village walked in. He was Longah, a fine looking caveman. He dressed well, neatly tugging the leaves to cover his crotch. Longah used to talk a lot, mostly nonsense. However, he always made the cave-women laugh. He would look into their beautiful eyes and narrate the story of how once he tripped over a fallen tree and hurt his buttocks. They ‘d laugh and while they did, he would say, ‘Yor nose pin beautiful.’ This was the trick.
Few days later, news came in that Tsonga got stabbed with a mammoth horn after he pissed off a cave-woman by talking too much about himself. Pongah didn’t die, but he turned into an alcoholic, merely because he didn’t get his love. Longah was proved the only real man. He made love to women for years to come and also coined the phrase ‘Teri keh ke Longah’ in the process.
Cut to the 21st century and only the names have changed. Tsonga is Sunny, the muscle bound man who pumps iron at the local gym, grabbing the attention of women by showcasing his biceps; sometimes so huge they are called arm-thighs. He has a chest the size of a fifty-two inch LCD TV, over which he drapes his tight black tank top. The village drum is now called car woofer, and he still plays it all the time. The mammoth’s horn is replaced by expensive presents like the iPhone; and he still takes pride in showing his gym injuries. The women still giggle at him.
Pongah is Prateek, the stereotypical Engineer. He can crunch numbers and instead of the abacus, he now works on the computer. He is the technology whiz and can get you out of technical glitches in the blink of an eye. He is their heartthrob and they love him. They love him so much; sometimes they think if they’ll even survive without him. They are TCS and Infosys. Women, on the other hand, use him for taking favors; which is mostly formatting their computers. He likes women, but finds it hard to talk to them. Prateek ends up being their friend. And that is it. Women giggle at him too, and then add ‘poor chap’ to it.
Longah is Rahul, the true hero! When he talks to women he owns them. He never visits the gym, but goes out for an occasional run in the park. He cannot format her computer, but knows enough to switch it off and ask her out for coffee. Women find him amusing and laugh a lot when he’s around. Rahul always gets the woman he wants. Rahul’s women generally giggle with him, cuddle with him and give him their heart.
The idea is simple. You don’t need 12 stories of muscles on your shoulder or Stephen Hawking’s brain to impress women. All it needs is a little courage and a nice smile (Longah’s description for further info). By logic, a person snatches something only if he can’t earn it himself. Yes, rapes happen because rapists are actually animals with no respect for women. But they also happen when some men believe they are incapable of winning women and hence decide to steal them by force. Maybe those rapists deserve to be hanged. But the ones on the verge of turning into one should sit back and wonder- Why can’t I just earn women? After this incident, women’s opinion about men might not change for a long time, but men’s opinion about women certainly should. Only then can second-rate thoughts about women turn into first-hand ideas to win them. Only then can rapes stop.
If only they knew how much easier it is to hold your libido, learn some computers and talk; than being forced to eat feces and eventually get hanged. This was certainly the easier way out, man.
P.S. Did I tell you about the fourth caveman who sat in his cave scribbling on the walls? He never got any cave-women. Mainly because he was a wise-ass. Fast forward to present and he still doesn’t get any. But he harbors strong opinions which he frames into fictional stone-age stories and posts on his blog. Peace!
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